and i get really sick.

sore throat, stopped up ears, sore body, sinus stoppage, hard to breathe, headache..

last night i dreamt i had a jewish wedding.

maybe i should lay off the yiddish radio hour.

ive not been on NN lately, been staying away from chat, and while my cam has been on, i have not been at it. why is this? well, since early june ive been constantly in NN chat and have kept my cam on. my life has gone from it's normal uneventful to crazy and busy, and im running everywhere to do something that i like, and that i can possibly make money from. meanwhile my house has become consistently messy, the kitchen always in a state of dirty, the laundry not put away…not to mention what this is doing to my relationship….ive been a bad wife.

oh..was that my outside voice? yes, i am a wife. muppet and i have been married for 2 years now.

when i joined the nn crew i figured that i wouldnt be there for long….hmm…3 months tops, where either the site would go down, or i would be removed. so i thought it would be a good idea to not reveal that i was taken, to further my appeal…call it a business decision… but as days go on, and im still a member of NN…this concealed identity is eating away from me…i feel like i am ashamed to be married, that being with muppet for the rest of my life is not the best thing that ever happened to me….and it hurts, i tire of having to conceal it, it also strains muppet an my relationship, becaue he thinks im not proud to be his wife, that i feel like i have to hide it for some other reason than site promotion. muppet is my everything, and for him i would stop it all and start over again…..in fact, i had hoped to be pregnant by now.

if i had to go back and do it all over again, would i? i've met some really great people and had some really great times along the way..and ive found a job that makes me happy, despite the fact that it is taxing on my married life, my sex drive has decreased since i started on nn, i may do a camshow that makes all the guys watching want to shag me silly, but afterwards, i take a bath and go to bed, i dont have the need for sex because i deal with it every day. and muppet thinks it's him, he thinks i'm no longer attracted to him, and that hurts.

so if everyone is wondering where i am, or why ive been gone, im trying to reclaim my life before i lose it completely.

ok, so ive been away for a bit, and ill tell ya, i plan to be away some more, but for now i will give you the lowdown:

atlanta was interesting, by chance meeting i met another thelemite…woohoo! i left waaaay later than i should have, got home with some new photos to add to my profile, etc.. blah blah.

so there :)

lately ive been shootinig for an up-and-coming website, URL to follow when it's up.

i got a very sad anime today, it started out making me cry, and i pretty much cried all through it…it's called Grave fo the Fireflies….rent it if you can find it…buy it if you must, it's a very good flick.

gonna check out some of the images i have from a recent shoot, and then im bathing and going to bed. cheers!

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blam!

doh!

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