i am an official sufferer of thought-i-replied-itis. it's the fifth time this week i've recieved an email, thought i replied, and then got an email asking if i got the first one because the sender didnt get a reply.
oh yeah, and i bought myself a copy of Phantom of the Paradise on dvd. boosh.
it's my own fault, of course. i failed to continue communications post-transport.
then again, location is a very important thing. i wouldn't have been able to drive to Portland, Or.
i can understand how the ones in my position a year a go felt. i can also understand how others had to move on, whether it tread on toes or not.
i also understand that i caused at least some of it by remaining offline for the majority of the last 3 months. but at times it was if i was doing most of the work in keeping the dream alive, just by being there.
but i also see a pattern. same time every year it goes dead, looks like. but who could blame it? it's summer for chrissake. time to go outside.
when it comes to the activity and public prefrences, it seems that the cries of the many from fall/winter of last year have been forgotten as well. what was all that work for, if to amount to nothing? it makes me weep for the next person to try to make things good again.
i know i'm anti-social, and maybe i have standards i expect of my aquaintances that cause me less friends, but does one *really* need to please everyone in order to make oneself happy?
in the interim i shall push the local underground, if it's still even around.
i wonder if i'm the only one feeling forgotten.
for two days in a row now i have been on the verge of fainting whilst waiting in a queue, usually in a store. it happens so suddenly that i end up having to explain to the person behind the counter why i'm sitting on the ground, and i kind of make a spectacle of myself.
yesterday was definetly the worst, though. i had ran all around the store getting things i needed, and started feeling weak as i neared the registers, so i decided to go to the express lane….bad move, the express lane was quite possibly the slowest lane, and the person in front of me paid with a check. in the express lane. a check. people, don't ever let me catch you doing that. anyway, as i was taking out my card to pay i started to go dim and got all shaky, i knew it was soon time for me to nap on the floor. cold sweat, blood rushing away from my face, all that good stuff. i opted to purchase an 'icee' while being checked out at the register. the deal is, you get the cup, and then visit the icee machine on the way out. something cold and sugary sounded quite nice. as i was recieving my card back, and the reciept to sign, i dropped my card and the reciept trying to grab it, and my signature looked nothing like my normal one, becuase i couldnt really see where to sign, and i couldnt hold the pen straight. the woman hands me my bag and *finally* says 'are you ok?' i say that i am 12 weeks pregnant, and this seems to be a common thing with me lately (i watched her eyes go to my stomach for visual verification, and back up to my face), i just need to get to a cool place. so she assures me that an icee will help, and hands me my bag, i drop the bag. i finally get hold of the bag and stumble off towards the exit, and the icee machine was broken. i contemplated asking for my 95c back, but decided to just forget it. i got to my car and sat down for a while, it was stifiling hot (i dont have a/c in my car) but i knew i was close enough to home that i wouldnt pass out in the car. sitting down completely made i big difference. i also considered hitting the gas station on the way back and convincing them that the store told me to go to their icee machine instead….but once i was in the car, there was no way i was getting back out until i got home.
and the same thing happened yesterday that happened the day before. i get home, i have a lemonade, i lie down, and everything gets better, although i am stuck with a terrible headache and fatigue from fighting the urge to faint for the rest of the day. it happened last week, too, when i went to the library.
i was concerned that the heat was too much for me at first, but then again i'm a texas girl, i've been through worse heat. it could more likely be the stagnate air compounded with baby's demands on me. i also entertained the idea that i was becoming people intolerant, or creating some form of mental hypertension from being at the house so much. but it's only the wait, not the people.
it's a total pisser, whatever it is.
look at this:
<a href="http://non-commercial-elysse.net/dselect.jpg">dselect</a>
versus
<a href="http://non-commercial-elysse.net/aptitude.jpg">aptitude</a>
dselect really sucks, but is highly functional. aptitude just stole my heart right out of its chest. look out, muppet, you may have competition from the newest debian packaging manager.
