two months!
the girls are officially two months old today. i'm amazed i've lasted this long. the girls are sleeping on either side of me right now. sweet peace. apparently i called muppet a bastard last night on my sleep, but like Nixon, i have no recollection of that event. after reading last month's LJ about the girls, i can also tell you that i have no recollection of *anything* at that time. it's a good thing i wrote it down.
i see these first months as this: it's a fog, a great big hazy fog. the fog gets lighter every week; it's infinitely less foggy than it was a month ago, but it's still far from clear. i have found that i am no longer the gung-ho indefatigueable person i once was, i'm sure she's in here somewhere… my dad and his new wife came this last week to see the girls, it was interesting to see how my dad acted around the girls…he's ecstatic about being a grandfather. i gave them both as much time with the girls as they wanted, which left me time with them enough to change and feed them before i handed them back over to be cuddled by grandparents. my dad drove 17 hours straight (he came in about 8:30am sunday) and spent that entire day with the girls, no naps. muppet and i got to go out on monday night, we had some good pasta and chianti..and then we went to go see the Passion. it was ok, but i don't think it was life-changing by any stretch of the imagination.
the girls are both smiling socially now,
<a href="http://baby.elysse.net/albums/smile/P1010030.jpg" target="_new">clicky for smile picture..</a>
zella's trying to laugh, they're both over 9 pounds now. their cries are infinetly more articulated now, and they coo and gurgle as well. i'm weaning them off the breast now, which makes me sad, but it's best for all of us i think. my nipples are physically bruised (last week they were visibly so, and hurt all the time, now they throb dully, and hurt only when i nurse) which inhibits my let-down capabilities, which in-turn, frustrates the girls because they don't get much milk. at least ont he bottle they will have as much as they want, and they won't have stomach problems when i eat garlic (and other assorted foods). they sleep a bit more than they did in the beginning, i put them down to sleep about 10pm, they wake again at 2am and then at 5 (then at 8), and i've also learned to run on low battery power. muppet watched the girls while i actually slept for four hours during the day, it brought me up to about the operational floor of fatigue.
we traded in the sentra. we got a station wagon– a used (2000) Saab 9-5. i suggested to muppet that we trade in my eclipse, but he insisted that it was psychologically important to have a sports car. i won't begrudge him that, he needs the peaceful zoom that the eclipse offers. and before you see me as a rich-girl or yuppie, consider this: the saab has about 76,000 miles on it, while the (2001) sentra we traded in had about 20,000..it was essentially an even trade, our car payment is pretty much the same as it was with the sentra. we considered a volvo v70, but they were just too pricey, so i was looking at subaru legacies and outbacks, and this saab was on the used lot. it's an automatic (blah), but a V6 (yay)..and it has all kinds of origami-crap inside, and all sorts of bells and whistles that i have found to be very handy (automatic locks (with the beepie-thing that goes on one's keychain), heated seats, automatic climate control, refirgerated glove-box, cup-holders all over the place..etc..), and according to my dad, my great-grandfather would have been (the only great-grandparent on my dad's side that's passed on, actually…) very proud of my decision as he himself was sold on saabs back in the early 70's for their design and durability. i was sold when (at the test drive) the engine soothed the girls to sleep instantly, better than the 'whizzy' sound the sentra made. ultimately it was a case of right time-right place.
motherhood is still kinda rough, but there's nothing quite like little arms holding you when you hold them on your arm. they know 'mommy', and it soothes them (almost) every time. my thoughts outside of the girls are fragmented, i forget to do things, i wonder when i'll be able to get back to my hobby-career (there's a open audition for a local horror movie in the next week or so, i may be ale to do it now..it was inconcievable a month ago), i frustrate myself when i run myself ragged trying to get things done, i lost my glasses, i have often been skipping meals when the girls are hungry, going to the market is very disorienting to me sometimes..it feels like the world is whizzing by, but one thing i dont feel is that i'm missing out. i'm doing the most important job i'll ever undertake.
